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Young Writers Society



The Dream-Maker by Nathan D (Prologue/Chapter 1)

by Mr NLD


Magic comes to those who believe,

Those who dream and dare to live it,

But those who don’t love or believe,

The light of life will be extinguished that was once lit,

Love your life and those in it now and no later,

I don’t care if you’re a him or a her,

Keep the world pure and stop being a hater,

And from that emotion create your own Dream-Maker

Prologue

Everything in our world is connected, everything is apart of each other and that includes us. We are all one being, working together to get through each of our individual lives. This book is quite highly concerned on the Creators of our universe, The Dream-Makers. The Dream-Makers are what created all that is around us, and we have all created them ourselves. Our belief in ourselves and others, and the great power that is within us gives birth to The Dream-Makers, who enter into our world and these beings are who connect us to the Enchanted World far across the universe. A world of magic, wonder, mystery and home to the beings that help us live our lives in peace.

But over the last century Dream-Makers have been disappearing rapidly and mysteriously. In our world – The Natural World – Dream-Makers are seen at night as the stars that shine in our sky, many, many years ago the sky was full and fruitful of Dream-Makers, but now they only appear on the odd night, and when they do there are but only a few still shining. This has very much concerned The Enchanted World as without the Dream-Makers they could loose connection with The Natural World, and without the Enchanted Beings entering our world and keep circulating their magic we cannot exist. They grow the grass, change the seasons, bring us the sun and moon, bring us the rain and snow, light our skies, let our rivers flow, give us the air we breathe and fill our hearts with the love that we feel each day of our lives. Without that, we couldn’t live a life with magic, which is what we need to survive.

We cannot create through the means of magic, the Enchanted World saw this in pity and for millions and billons of centuries the folk of the Enchanted World have supported us and given us life with magic, pure magic, but the Humans have re-named it as “science” and for years tried to block out the existence of the Enchanted World and let children believe that magic is nothing but fairy stories. But what they don’t tell you is that Fairy Stories are REAL, they are apart of our history which man has tried to abolish with their skeptic thoughts and attitude.

And every time a negative thought is created, a bad Dream-Maker is created. These evil Dream-Makers are called The Nightmares and they take all the hatred in the world and expand it, leading to wars and fighting, but these Nightmares are taken to a special holding facility to keep them away from our world, to protect us, but occasionally some break out causing tragedy and natural disasters in our world. So every bad thing or event that happens in the world is brought about by a negative minded human who has lost their belief in life’s magic. For years now, because of people like this, and the emotions they admit into the universe, we had forever lost connection with the Enchanted World.

But an event, which is thus told in the pages of this book, forced the Humans to re-join the Enchanted Ones and come back together in an epic battle for good and evil. The event though terrible brought us together, and opened our hearts to the magic once more, magic long long forgotten. It was the event which reminded the humans how important it is to keep magic and love in every heart, as this is what keeps our world spinning, and our lives so joyful to live. This very dangerous imbalance in Dream-Makers and Nightmares needed to be leveled before the entire universe is destroyed all at once.

How, you may ask, what Happened? Do you want to know how it happened? And what happened? Do you want to discover the wonders of the secret Enchanted World? Do you want to understand the magic around you? Do you want to be taken to a strange land far away? Do you want to meet strange magical creatures? Do you want to know more about The Dream-Makers?

If your answer to any of these questions is yes,

Well read on Natural Child, read on….

* * * *

BANG BANG!!!!!

Silence

BANG BANG!!!!

Silence

BANG BANG!!!!!

“What the devil!?” called a posh voice in the echoic darkness.

The voice echoed through the hallowed metal corridors and halls in S.F.D.B (Stronghold For Dark-Minded Beings). The Stronghold is in a place in-between The Natural World and The Enchanted World, and has connection portals to both in a docking room. The room was completely made of bronze metal pipes, tightly compact together and occasionally spurted a violent blow of steam into the room with a loud whistle, making the room slightly misty. The only light was produced by a dangling lamp shade swinging gently in the direction the spurt of steam pushed it. At one end of the room were two portals also made out of metal pipes, one had “Enchanted World – Hill Manor” imprinted on the pipe above it in black and the other portal had “Natural World – Big Ben” also imprinted in black.

The voice that spoke came from the portal to The Enchanted World, it spoke again;

“INCOMING! TALLYHOO!!!”

A blinding light swept into the room with a strong-wind, blowing the lamp-shade violently to the edge of snapping, there was a loud thunder clap and as sudden as it started it stopped, the lamp-shade swung back and forth wobbling, still in shock of what just happened. Once the Portal’s outburst had cleared away, what was left on the bronze metal floor was a human sized Owl. The Owl wore a long white sleeping cap and a long cotton nightgown, a small pair of gold rimmed spectacles rested loosely on the end of its beak, in one wing he held a swinging black lantern which gave out a dim orange light from a small candle. The Owl’s claws scratched as he walked across the metal floor, the Lampshade opened his eyes to show a very angry expression for a lampshade, he looked down at the Owl;

“Professor Hill?” asked the Lampshade angrily, “What’s the meaning of this you bloomin’ feathered plonker?!”

The Owl held his lantern up towards the lampshade un-amused by this very cocky light appliance.

“Don’t you give me that tone my lad; I came here about the noise!”

“What bloomin’ noise?” and just as he asked the noise came again;

BANG!!!!BANG!!!!BANG!!!!

“Ohhh that noise”

“Sounds like someone’s trying to get out!” said Hill, rather concerned.

The Lampshade swung back and forth in great laughter, he even laughed so hard that a black tear of oil ran down his bronze metallic face. The Owl looked up at the laughing lampshade under a deep brooding frown; he tapped his clawed foot on the metal floor impatiently and in annoyance.

“Oh dear! Ha aha, well wish em’ luck from old lampy ha-ha!” said the Lampshade through roars laughter,

“Oh Shut-up, that’s enough from you! This is dead serious you daft thing!”

The Lampshade kept on giggling as The Owl gave up on him and set on through the corridors towards the centre of the Stronghold. The Stronghold is where all the dark and evil Dream-Makers made by negative and unpleasant humans are held in confinement. To get to the main Stronghold you have to travel through a maze of metal corridors, covered in the same bronze pipes as the docking room, these corridors were brightly lit by long ceiling lights that went right down the corridors. The constant jets of steam coming in from the various pipes made the room slightly misty and made the air feel thick and damp.

There was another violent bang, this one had such a power that the walls shook and vibrated in such a way that Hill had to grab a pipe to regain steadiness. The corridor kept on vibrating like an earthquake making the pipes and his lantern rattle loudly from the great force. The lights flashed and flickered throughout that shaking, the shaking stopped but when it did the lights went out in a massive spark of electricity, sparks showering over Hill who covered his wing over his face to protect it, before going out completely leaving Hill alone in the room in darkness. The lantern still flickered beside him, sending a dim orangey glow with dark shadows dancing across the pipes in the dark corridor. Hill looked about the corridor still in shock from the sudden shaking which made him question to himself further what this noise was.

“What just happened?” said the Lampshade’s voice echoing far back in the docking room, “my light has just gone out! Bloomin’ hec!”

The voice’s sudden appearance made Hill jump violently, he felt as if his heart had banged against his rip cage. Hill wobbled as he tried to regain his steadiness, holding onto the pipe with a firm grip.

“How should I know?!” Hill shouted back, “That’s why I’m in here an’t I?”

“Well hurry up! I can’t see a flipping thing I can’t!”

“Right, right”

Hill got up in the darkness, the sound of steam running through the pipes echoed in the darkness and for once in his life Hill felt slightly uneasy. He recognized this feeling and replaced it with his usual pomposity and braveness and strided through the darkness, holding his lantern high, he banged into low hanging and pipes several times with a loud bonk, after he did he shook his head violently and hooted in the darkness. But still each time he did this he trekked onward as if nothing had happened.

The strong sounding noise was still banging away in the far distance so Hill simply followed the sound through the corridors. The lantern lit his way inch by inch down this maze of pipes and turning. He was turning left, right, right again, left, he completely toppled over after tripping over a pipe, he got up unmoved by it and gave another left when he finally found the right metal hatch.

The banging sound was louder than ever and was defiantly on the other side of this hatch. A large metal wheel was in centre of the door which is to be turned to open the door. Hill put down his lantern and with his entire strength in his two wings he turned the wheel with a loud squeak and squeal, another strong turn, followed by another and another till the hatch gave a loud click signaling that the mechanism was now open. Hill pulled the metal bar above the wheel to pull it open; as soon as he did water started squirting powerfully through the gaps in the door.

When Hill saw this he instantly pushed the door back in an attempt to keep the water back, but it was too late. The pressure was building up behind the hatch, soaking him all over as more water seeped out and squired him with great force. Hill turned around and pushed all weight on his back on the hatch, which banged strongly against his back.

“Oh no you don’t you blasted thing!” he called to himself in the darkness.

But suddenly the Hatch gave way and the water flooded out into the corridor like a tsunami wave, Hill was pushed up against the opposite wall from the force of the water. Rushing the water put the light of the lantern out, the water drained out of the corridor down the drains which lined the corridor as the water from the room slowly decreased in water level. Soon the water was but a thin layer just about covering Hill’s claws, looking down he realised that the water was eerily green, which glowed brightly.

It took awhile for it to really hit Hill what this green water really meant; when it did it was as if a train was roared towards him and hit him at a high speed. A shiver ran up his spine, and pure distress and horror was printed onto his feathered face as he remembered, remembered that this was the green water solution what the Dark Beings were imprisoned in.

Through the hatch into the viewing room – which is another metal room with a huge glass wall on the far side facing Hill to look in at the imprisoned creatures– the glass wall was smashed and the tank was now dark and empty. Empty, expect for the dark, slimy, black and wet mounds that lay on top of each other all over the room. Hill’s eyes widen in pure horror, he could see the creatures gnashing white teeth dripping with purple slime and gunge, and half opened as the mouths flooded with the slime. The teeth seemed to glow against their black skin and the dark room. Long bony black tails with arrowed points on the end lay over the other bodies which lay among them across the floor. The green water glowed on the mounts of monsters as they lay, reflecting upon their unconscious faces, unconscious from the shock of the break-out.

A long black, hairy and slimy claw hung limply over the bottom of the door. The long clawed nails were just dipped in the green water which had flooded into the corridor. Small ripples were being created around the finger, it twitched. Hill gasped, he froze and his feathers stood and frizzed up on end, his heart beated faster and harder against his chest. The craw began to twitch some more, splashing little pools of water around, each twitch more violent than the next. Suddenly Swoosh! Long red blades shot out of the end of the fingers. A long spiked black back rose slowly, green water dripping off it, soon to be followed by a dripping black tail with a sharp arrow and spike of the end of it. The creature let out a deep growl.

“OH MY GOD!” Screamed Hill, He had only just realised that he was just standing gormless at the beast and bolted down the corridor towards the portal room, the Enchanted World needed to be warned urgently!

Wind blew past him as he sped through the corridors shooting like a bullet, under and over the pipes, occasionally being shot with a blast of steam. Behind him a loud roar was uttered, it bellowed with such a force that pipes behind him burst sending a huge cloud of steam that pushed and thicken into the corridor, blinding Hill’s way.

Hill tripped over a pipe in the darkness and fell beak first onto the cold metal floor. A whole orchestra of roars and streams like fingers scraping on a chalk-board bellowed behind him, followed by the sound of a stampede of clawed beasts running towards him. The rumbling started, it shook the floor on which Hill lay on. Hill stumbled up in fear and despair and kept on running till he could see the turning into the portal room. The noises behind him were getting closer; he could hear the claws ripping the pipes that came within their path.

Hill shot into the Portal room and ran under the still rather surprised looking Lampshade towards the control keyboard of the Enchanted World portal.

“Bet you’re laughing now an’t you to stupid gremlin!” shouted Hill to the lampshade as he panicky typed the access code to open the portal and then for it to self-destruct it after use.

“Well I didn’t know did I?” replied the lampshade defensively, “no one’s ever broken out of here before! Hurry up will yah, they’re coming!”

“I’m trying damn it!”

The keyboard played a small tinkling sound and spoke the words; “Portals Activated”

“No No!!!! Not both of them!” screamed the Lampshade, “the creatures could get into The Natural World”

“You think I don’t know that! It’s too late now, got to go, nice knowing yah!”

“Hey! No! WAIT! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!”

But before he could hear the end, Hill entered through the Portal and the Portal disappeared behind him.

* * * *

Hill fell onto his own red carpeted library floor breathing heavily from exhaustion, be spun around to find that the portal was gone leaving a black shadow in the wall where it once was. Hill got up; trying to catch his breath, his heart slowly began to go back to a steady pace. A telephone made of pure transparent crystal lay upon a crystal table by a red silk couch. Hill approached it and dialed a number in.

He had to inform the authorities of the Enchanted World that the unthinkable has happened, the Stronghold has had a mass break-out, and the creatures could very well have entered The Natural World. Soon he would have to send for the one person left in The Enchanted World to save the universe, the last Dream-Maker.

Chapter 1

The Alarm clock rang as usual into Jess’s sensitive little brain, rudely invading her very sweet dreams. This dream concerned a pirate king named “Edward”, but it turns all girly and mushy so I rather not go into all the details. The bell took her from her erotic fantasy just as she was about to take a kiss. Typical. Jess; very tiredly and unwillingly, hit the little button above her alarm clock which was set on the time 7:00 am. She let out a sigh as she looked at the clock, still thinking of her sweet dream. She rubbed her eyes and stretched her tired arms and legs under her covers. She gave out a sigh as she looked about her room of which she has lived in for as long as she can remember.

Perfumes, make-up, cans of Coke, boxes of tissues and lipstick cylinders were scattered every which way all over her bedroom table. Her drawers are all open with clothes messy bundled in, in one drawer a blue pair of knickers hung on for dear life on the corner of the drawer, gently swinging from side to side. A cuddly bear from a past trip to the annual town fair was perched precariously on top of her television, smiling sweetly down at her, as if saying; “come on now darling, time to get on!”

A mirror was on her desk; blue – tacked to the mirror were photos of her and her friends in a nightclub, her family at centre parcs, her sweet sixteenth blowing her candles, her first kiss with Adam Anderson – bit of an old crush of hers – and an old photo of her and her father.

Jess never really knew her father; he left after a lot of arguments with her mother. But she remembers the last time that they were together, which was when that photo was taken. They went to old huntstantion beach, before it got all dirty with litter and sludge. It was mild and windy but that didn’t in any way crush their spirits. They made a big sandcastle; this one had the works! turrets, towers, a moat and drawbridge, battlements, sea shells as windows and her Dad got a twig and a bit of scrap paper from his pocket and made a little flag. It was a wonderful day with a wonderful Dad, but it was last that she’d see of him, he left soon afterwards. Poor Jess was no older than a tender age of seven.

She was now left with her moody and strict Mother who constantly gave her various stressful tantrums, her annoying little sister Debbie and her dog Tiffy. It was a rather dysfunctional and unloving sort of family, but really it’s better than no family at all. Jess got up eventually and pushed the cover from her, all she wore was a long over-sized grey shirt as pajamas. She sat up in bed for awhile and gave out a great yawn before going to sit at her mirror to get ready for school.

Though she never believed it herself she was a truly beautiful young lady. She had short curly brown hair, big green eyes like out of a manga comic, full pink lips and a slender 16 year old body. But like most girls of that age she always referred to her faults and saw herself as hideous, which is sad as we was very pretty indeed. She got some foundation and gave her whole face a light layer, she than but eye liner under her eyes, than next came the mascara, than the very subtle purplish eye shadow than the pink lipstick. It took her so long to do this she had to get up earlier in the mornings so she wouldn’t be late for school, but honestly she didn’t really need all that make-up anyway, she was pretty as she is but had trouble seeing it.

After she’d finished white-washing her face she went down stairs to breakfast. As she pasted the living room she could hear her little sister watching “Dora the Explorer” and getting really into it. Jess smiled to herself, you’ve got to admire children of this age, there’s nothing to worry about and who wouldn’t want to return those days? But of course Jess was 16 and had to press on with the many stressful aspects of modern young adult life.

She entered the kitchen where her mother was cleaning dishes in a soapy and foamy sink. Light was coming through the window by the kitchen table, but outside everything seemed very gloomy, everything in the sky was a bizarre colour of purple and thunder could be heard in the distance. Mum had the radio on BBC Radio 1 to hear the news as maybe there might be an explanation for this odd weather, Jess listened in as she got the milk, bowl and corn flakes for her breakfast from the cupboards;

“This just in, Londoners are baffled and shocked by a very strange event that happened not only a few hours ago. Londoners woke up this morning to find a gaping hole in the clock face of Big Ben, various cogs, wheels, mechanisms and debris are still floating along in the Thames. Out of the hole made in the clock, London policemen spotted long streams of strange green gunge dripping down the side of Big Ben making a pool at the base onto the street. Policemen have closed off the area and scientists from the Royal Society aka the Royal Academy of Science have taken some samples of the green gunge for tests, results should be coming back soon, and. Wait….this JUST in, storm clouds are swirling around the top of Big Ben! The clouds are turning purple, lightning is shooting down at the people, and…..”

Before he even had a chance to continue, Mum had turned the radio off and sat down at the table with Jess. Jess had now gotten all the things she wanted and sat down to eat. Mum left the dishes that still needed washing to have a one on one talk with her daughter.

“So, when are you going to get a job?” asked her mother, straight to the point.

The times they’ve had this argument are countless, Mum had been trying to get her daughter out into the real world, but Jess is reluctant to give up being a teenager just yet.

“I will, as soon as I’ve finished my A-Levels!” replied Jess through corn flakes,

“Really? Is that so” replied Mum sarcastically, “now where have I heard that one before. Oh yah, last year. You said you’d get a job when you finished your GCSE’s, and your still mooching off me, when are you goanna get on?”

“I’m tired of havin’ this argument!”

“And you think I’m not? Huh? Look honey I just want what’s best for you, and you can’t live off me all your life! You have to get on sweetheart and start having a life of some sort out of this house” she paused, “finish your breakfast, don’t be late for school”

And with that she got up and went back to the sink in silence.

* * * *

Jess was now fully dressed in her uniform which consisted of a baggy blue jumper, skirt and leggings. She held her large school bag over her shoulder; she was walking through the council estates to get to the school. Hardly anyone used this route so it gave her time to think, to get her mind straight for when she arrives at school. Right now she was trying to get all the negative thoughts out of her mind from her little argument in the kitchen. She kept reassuring herself that her mother just wanted what was best for her, even if she does come across a bit brash.

She was a long time ago a very kind and jubbely Mum, like all mums should be, but since the departure of father a very bleak colour has come to her face, as if all of her love and joy left with her father. Her Mum had never really told her the reason for the arguments they kept having, but she could remember hearing them from her bedroom, scared holding her teddy very tight to her chest.

She came to a zebra crossing; no cars are out at this time of day so she just kept on walking and down another alleyway which would take her to the school. A cold wind swept around her ankles and up her skirt sending a chill up her spine. This was followed by a distant growl which rumbled far across the street. Jess stopped stock still, her eyes wide open as she looked around for the source of the noise. The only sound came from the wind moving the rusty swings in the playground making it squeak in the empty street. Jess breathed slower, she kept on looking round.

A second growl came from behind her, Jess instantly spun around, but nothing was there. She began to walk backwards, breathing deeply still looking around. She stopped walking when she came to the playground fence and leaned against it for support. Only now did she realize how quiet everything was, there was no movement in the houses and no noise on the distant motorway. A wind blew some litter across the street which rolled along until it hit a brick wall and got caught in some weeds.

Jess looked up into the sky as another thunderclap rung through the sky. A swirl of purple storm clouds spun round with lighting blots shooting inside the epicenter. Her heart began to calm down and slow back to a normal pace. The noise she must had heard must had just been thunder, this was the conclusion she this came through. She gave out a great sigh as she realised how daft she must have been. She pulled herself together to get ready to get on with her journey to school again.

Suddenly a black claw grabbed at Jess’s neck from behind and pulled her against the fence again, she tightened her eyes in pain and screamed in surprise. She could feel the sharp nail ends cutting into her neck as the claw tightened. Purple slime began to drip and flow like a waterfall down her left shoulder, soon to be followed by a black gummed mouth of sharp yellow teeth. Above the mouth were two slits for nostrils and two red piercing snake eyes, dripping in some strange green slime. The creature growled as the mouth closed in on her, the closer its face got the tighter its grip became on her neck, small lines of blood began to run down onto her school jumper.

The creature roared right into her face, sending saliva flying and breath that smelt like stale blood. Jess could see right into the creature’s mouth, its throat was a never-ending tunnel of sharp red teeth which vibrated as the creature roared. The sound pierced into Jess’s ears and she thought it would deafen her, but soon the creature stopped and continued to snarl at her. Spikes rose at the back of its head, lips began to curl as if it were about to pounce onto her, a sharp and short ending to her fragile life.

* * * *

“See Steven, they’re everywhere!” exclaimed Hill.

Professor Hill and Steven Western, the last Dream-Maker stood in a dark room looking into a crystal ball. The room was made of stone brick with wooden wall and roof supports.

The glow from the ball lit their faces as they looked down upon the mayhem that the creatures were making in The Natural World. Steven had only recently arrived after being summoned from his home in The Dreamer’s Universe. They’ve been watching for awhile now, the media in The Enchanted World have now been informed and have been trying to inform the populace of the tragedy as calmly as possible.

Steven had long-ish messy brown hair, stubbly tash and beard, very hansom face, baggy white shirt and a red waistcoat. Across him was a brown rubber utility belt with a knife, pistol, bullets, strange small glass balls and small cylinders with glittery powder inside tabled “Pixie Dust”. He looked into the ball in horror and dismay.

“How long have they been out in The Natural World for?” asked Steven,

“About several hours, the humans are panicking they have no idea what’s going on. Buildings have been destroyed and burned, humans dragged away from their own homes, creatures taking to the streets…..”

“Hold on!” said Steven suddenly, “who’s that?”

Hill looked where Steven was looking; they saw a teenage girl being attacked by a creature against the fence of a kid’s playground on a council estate.

“That’s just some girl, but now we must take action on how to get the creatures back into the stronghold”

“Hold on, hold on we’ve got to help her!”

“Why? We’ve got more important things to be doing now come on!”

“Everyone is important, every life is valuable and that includes her you daft Owl!”

“How dare you, if it wasn’t for me than you wouldn’t….”

“That’s a life like any other why can’t she have the right to keep on living it?”

“The entire Enchanted World and Natural World are in a universal crisis and we must act NOW! Why isn’t this getting through to you?! You’re a Dream-Maker you’re meant to make everything right again now STOP FAFFING AROUND!!!”

“Look it’s about to lunge at her, right that’s it I’m going in!”

“Oh no you…”

But it was too late, Steven had already disappeared and Hill could see him in the crystal ball. Hill looking in disapprovingly but also concerned for his own safety, Hill could see Steven running through the streets and alleyways of the council estate trying to find the playground in time.

“Bloody fool!” said Hill to himself, “but he’s got guts, I’ll give him that. Come on Steven, if your goanna do this do it and do it quick!”

* * * *

The Creature gave another loud roar in which Jess reacted with a scream to for help. Never in her whole life had she felt to hopelessly helpless, she knew that she was going to die. There was so much she’d never get to do, so much that wasn’t said to her mother and most of all she’d never find out what this thing is, or have a full explanation for her death. All these thoughts shot through her as the creature raised its spine spikes in readiness to go in for the kill. Jess squinted her eyes and tightened her fists in preparation for the final sting before the eternal sleep. She took in one last deep breath, expectant of great pain.

BOOM!!!! SPLAT!!!!

Nothing came. She heard those sounds in the darkness behind her eye lids, she felt something cold and moist roll down her face. She noticed the pain on her neck was gone and the grip of the claw was also gone. She was afraid of what she was about to see so she slowly opened her left eye. When she saw what had just happened, she widened both of her eyes in shock and relief.

The creature’s head had exploded and all that was left was a decapitated neck drenched in green and purple gunk. A lot of the gunk was on Jess’s face that she could feel running down her cheeks and could see gunk dangling from her fringe. The claw had fallen limp by her waist, leaving a trail of slime where the claw fell. Jess kept breathing back into a steady pace as she with dainty a finger and thumb remove the claw from her lap. Once the claw was away from her she tossed it aside, making the lifeless body topple over into the wet grass. The gunk from the neck began to sprawl out onto the grass in a small pool.

“Ha, ha, Nice shot” said a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see the most hansom guy she’d ever seen. He looked down at her with her blue eyes, she suddenly felt all giggly, he looked 16-17 which made her the gigglier. The man was holding a bizarre looking bronze pistol which had a small line of smoke floating out of the barrel of the gun. The man noticed this and blew it away; he looked over Jess’s shoulder to have a look at the body, sprawled over the grass.

“Good thing I got here when I did” said the man, putting the gun back in a utility belt. He put out a friendly hand to her, “Where are my manners, I’m Steven Western, the last Dream-Maker.”

Jess took his hand smiling, rather confused by this strange introduction.

“Jessica Chapman, but people call me Jess”

“Awwww that’s lovely. Now I’m going to be frank and straight to the point. You’re not safe here, there are hundreds of them running around here” said Steven pointing to the creature’s body, “I’ll explain later but now you need to come with me, I’ll take you somewhere safe”

One of the things that her mother had always said to her is to not talk to strangers. Not only don’t talk to them but don’t follow them if they tell you to go with them. As hansom as this chap is, he’s already proved himself to be very strange and maybe feared. So you can understand that Jess wasn’t leaping to Steven’s offer. She didn’t know what that creature was and she didn’t know who this guy was, so she in this small space of time had a problem judging weather to take the offer or not.

“Why should I go with you?” asked Jess bluntly,

“What other choice do you have? Ether you come with me or you die, and come on, I don’t bite!”

Jess had to admit she did agree with him, she didn’t understand anything about these creatures or about anything that’s happening, but it seems that this guy does know. Really what else did she have to lose? But she never knew that this one choice will change her life and the lives of everyone else in the universe forever.

“Right than, where we going” asked Jess. A grin went across Steven’s face.

“Right lets go, got to find a screen to which I can use as a portal”

“Huh? Screen? You mean like the Smart Boards in school?”

“YES! FANTASTIC! Right lets go”

Steven began walking on briskly towards the school, Jess stayed where she was still in utter confusion. Steven turned, saw she hadn’t moved and stopped. He shook his head, walked all the way back, grabbed her wrist and dragged her with him. Jess eventually got the idea so Steven let go and they walked together. Jess had assumed that this is all a dream; she’d wake up soon from this fantasy so she’d might as well go along with it. More roars could be heard in the distance over the sounds of thunder above them. Jess couldn’t keep it in anymore, she just had to ask.

“What’s going on?”

“I’d rather not try to explain now, my soul concern is to get you out of this world and into the safety of my world” replied Steven as they kept on walking briskly.

A thin layer of fog began to develop around their ankles; it spiraled and flicked around their legs as they kept on walking through. The mist had an eerie tinge of green which gave a faint glow on their legs in the dark early morning.

“Your world?” asked Jess, “you mean you’re from another world?”

“Yes, very much so, these creatures aren’t in my world so you’ll be safe there till things die down. No need to worry my dear, this way? No? Left? Ok, right let’s press on then, and keep your wits about you”

They turned a corner which took them right up to St. Ian’s Secondary School to greet an ungodly sight. The black gate going into the school was ripped from its hinges; bent and torn it hung, squeaking as it swayed in the wind dipping in and out of the mist. Lead by Steven they cautiously went through the gates, looking at them and the green slime which coated them as they went by. Inside the school grounds bike wheels were torn and flung across the field, the bike shelter was smashed and drenched in slime, the windows were smashed as were the roof and glass doors. An eerie wind blew through the empty buildings, not a sound, not a whisper. The whole school created an atmosphere of disaster and death, despair and hopelessness.

They kept on trudging their way through the school towards the main doors. The glass of the main was smashed leaving a sea of broken glass all over the foyer. Steven leading stepped over the wooden frame; Steven took Jess’s hand and led her inside. The glass smashed and cracked underneath their feet, light streamed in slits through ripped blinds. At the front in the foyer was an information desk, all of the items tipped, smashed and scattered across the floor. The phone cable was snapped showing all the cables inside messily sprawled out, giving out occasional electrical sparks.

They passed the desk and went straight on through a set of double doors into a corridor. When they were in the corridor Jess stopped and looked back, she thought she saw something. She was right, the slips of light coming in through the blinds lit up a huge gaping claw scratch mark going across the width of the door. It reminded her of the hideous creature which attacked her not so long ago. Are there more of them things here? She thought, she found herself having trouble breathing again. Her heart began beating faster as she stared at the mark on the door.

“What you doing back there?” asked Steven’s echoed voice from the other side of the corridor. The voice made her jump out of her skin leaving her heart and stomach behind, the voice snapped her out of the strange phase she somehow got herself into, and she didn’t take her eyes off of the scratch mark.

“Nothing, just thought I heard something” replied Jess,

“Come on! I’ve found a Smart Board and it’s nearly ready! Hurry up!” Steven called back from the classroom he was in.

Jess began to walk on down the dark corridor, occasionally giving a glance back at the Scratch mark. Half way down the corridor she decided it would be best to try and ignore it and faced forward. She heard a growl. She stopped stock still. The air around her seemed to stand still; she held her breath and let it out slowly. The sound came from a classroom to her right; she turned slowly towards the doorway.

It was a science room with test tubes smashed across the length of the room, the room in the darkness looked empty. Light was seeping in through the blinded windows shedding light on the tables and broken science equipment. A second growl came from the room but Jess still couldn’t see anything in the room. She gave a brave step into the room, her heart in her mouth.

She stood in the room for a few more seconds and still nothing happened.

“Jess, Jess where are you? The portal is ready come on!” called Steven from the opposite classroom.

Jess shook the fear from her and prepared to turn around to see what Steven was going on about. I must be having a like, break-down or something thought Jess to herself. She gave out a sigh of relief and turned to go.

Suddenly a few drops of thick slime landed on her shoulder and dripped down her front. She stared at the slime for awhile, eyes widening before slowly looking upwards towards where the slime came from. Sure enough above her was a bony, black, slimy and hideous creature clinging onto the ceiling. Its claws were dug in deep into the ceiling and its tail was wrapped tightly round the ceiling light appliance. The ceiling was covered in scratches from when the creature must have scrambled up there.

Its red eyes glowed in the darkness; the yellow pupils looked around half closed eyes. Suddenly the eyes shot to look Jess directly in the eyes, an electric chill ran through her, she almost screamed but covered her mouth before she could in case it caused it to pounce on her. She screamed through her hands all the time looking at those red eyes, stepping backwards out of the door.

The creature gave out another growl, curling its lips and bearing its red blood stained teeth. It snarled and gaped at her, it began to stretch out and pull out its claws out of the ceiling still staring at Jess. Jess got a burning shot of bravery shoot through her veins and she turned, bolted from the room, closed the door and a near by table against it. The creature at the speed of light came off the ceiling and banged violently against the door, shrieking at the top of its voice.

Jess ran into the opposite room where Steven had been this whole time playing around with the smart board. The Smart Board was glowing brightly, purple and yellow streams of magic swirled into a long tunnel with electric sparks flashing deep inside it. The portal gave out a sound like twinkling bells and clashing cymbals, only slightly over powering the sound of screams of the creature in the next room. Steven stood on a table facing the portal looking very unimpressed.

“What the hell have you done now?” said Steven angrily,

“What” replied Jess, “I an’t done nothing”

The creature roared again.

“That!” yelled Steven pointing towards the banging door “Isn’t nothing!”

The creature had been banging harder and harder against the door, making the table move violently, threatening to free the beast. It screamed again in aggravation, this scream was so powerful it smashed the windows down the corridor one by one, sending glass flying everywhere.

“That blasted thing could break out at any moment! We’ve got to leave now!” exclaimed Steven over the sound of smashing glass in the distance.

“What do you mean?” replied Jess,

“Through the portal!” said Steven gesturing towards the portal,

“You what?! No way!”

“You have no choice come on!”

Jess grabbed Steven’s hand, squinted her eyes, took in a deep breath and – till unsure what was about to happen to her and her strange new companion – she jumped off the table towards the Smart Board.

BANG BANG BANG CRASH!!!!!!

The creature had broken out with such great power that it sent the table flying and smashing against the wall. The creature trampled over the mounds of broken wood and glass into the opposite classroom. The creature entered to find it empty and silent, he was too late. The creature screamed the loudest it’s screamed in frustration in his failure, so loud was this scream that it shook the very foundations of the building.

Dr Dark-Heart will not be pleased thought the creature; I let the Dream-Maker get away! I must inform him immediately that The Dream-Maker’s in the Enchanted World. HE MUST BE STOPPED!

Edited title-Stella.


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Tue Dec 29, 2009 10:08 pm
Karsten says...



I'm glad, Nathan. If you'd like to repost your edited version, I'd be happy to look at that. :)

Mr NLD wrote:Thank you for your comment, it's fine i didn't wince! if i didn't get these sorts of comments i would never improve. I've gone back to my original manuscrtipt and changed the things you pointed out because i agreed with your comments.
Thanks alot
:)




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Tue Dec 29, 2009 10:04 pm
Mr NLD says...



Thank you for your comment, it's fine i didn't wince! if i didn't get these sorts of comments i would never improve. I've gone back to my original manuscrtipt and changed the things you pointed out because i agreed with your comments.
Thanks alot
:)




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Tue Dec 29, 2009 5:49 pm
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Karsten wrote a review...



Hi Nathan,

This review might sting a little, so please take a deep breath before reading on.

I can tell from the first paragraph alone that this novel is not yet ready for publication. It's riddled with errors: the very first sentence has a spelling error ("apart" for "a part"), there are misused prepositions ("concerned on" for "concerned with"), and commas are consistently misused in place of full stops. Also, the paragraph is highly repetitive. Note how the first four clauses -- (1) "Everything in our world is connected, (2) everything is apart of each other and (3) that includes us. (4) We are all one being" -- all mean the exact same thing. This tells me that you haven't even proofread for basic spelling and grammar errors.

I worry that you're ruining your chances with agents and publishers by querying this novel too early. In a crazily competitive industry in which only about 1% of submissions are publishable (read Slushkiller by Hugo-winning editor Teresa Nielsen Hayden) it is absolutely imperative that your submission is polished, professional and free from basic errors.

At the moment it's difficult for me to see the underlying story through the problems with the execution. It's like trying to look through a window -- if the glass is dirty, you can't see anything. But if you cleaned the window to a sparkle, I might be totally mesmerised by what I see through it.

Hope this helps, through the wincing.

Cheers,
Karsten




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Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:47 pm
Mr NLD says...



Hey! This is Nathan Davey, :shock:
I've been writing this for 3 years, i've recently finished the 4th draft and sent it off to several diffrent publishers and really am trying to get it published. The story carries on with a strong message for Children about living life in a more positive light. Taught in a story of love, aventures, humor, fantacy, Pirates, Cowboys and friendship. The story is very important to me, so i'd love to hear from you what you think.
Thank You
:D





she slept with wolves without fear, for the wolves knew there was a lion among them.
— r.m. drake